Thread: when will i be able to be mum?

Today I decided to try taking yumi to the library. By myself. Biggest mistake ever. I feel so stupid.

Everything was fine at first oh dropped us off and waited in a cafe 10 mins away. she was doing her usual wandering round waving at people routine but then she spotted the door and suddenly RAN for it. I couldn't negotiate the chairs and shelves and stuff fast enough and she got out into the street. She ran past loads of people and not one tried to stop her. She could have been dead. I feel terrible. It was ridiculous of me to even try to be alone with her. But I had to try because at the minute I don't even feel like her mother. There's always someone else looking after her whether it's her dad or my new support person I never feel needed I just seem to tag along and whip a boob out every few hours.

It seems right now that she's going to be at school before I'm in a position to do anything with her. We have some lovely times together at home but children don't remember the times they sat on the sofa doing jigsaws do they?

Stupid thing is I really thought I could manage this or I never would have tried and it all went wrong in about 30 seconds.

I know I'm a good mother but right now I don't feel like one and she deserves so much more than I can give her.

Have you got any reins? Not to totally control her but just in case of times like that. I don't know how practical that is though. I wanted to say it'll get easier as she gets older and can understand more but I know that isn't much help now.

TBH, she's not going to remember anything that happens now, she's too young. In a few years when she develops actual lasting memories there is no reason why the ones sitting doing lovely things with you are not the ones she cherishes most

Also, I've forgotten how old she is, but she's still pretty young isn't she, maybe in the next few months she will be able to understand about staying with you, either with the help of reins, or a wrist strap attached to your chair?

do you have any support groups where you can chat to mums in similar situations that can offer suggestions of how to manage a toddler on your own, I don't have any advice, my own toddler is too quick for me on my own.

We tried reins when she was a bit younger (about a year) and just stood on the spot and screamed till we took them off. I need to be more patient I know I just hate needing so much help. I also am now not sure I totally believe in self-weaning I think I might still be doing it because its the one thing I can do that no one else can for her and thats not a good reason. I don't even know I've just been laid her since she fell asleep trying to come up with things I do well as a parent I know written down here it probably seems a trivial incident but its really knocked my confidence

Carrying on feeding so you can spend some one on one time with her is NOT a bad thing

As hard as it seems with a young toddler, this is such a short stage of their lives, even though I know it seems like forever at the moment! We've got so much more parenting to do, in lots of different ways, and I'm sure you are, and will be, a great parent.

And try the reins again, she may have forgotten. Or one of those backpack type ones, E is quite into bags at the moment.

Oh honey You are not a bad mother and you are exactly what she deserves - a beautifully loving mama who loves her more than life itself! No, you can't do everything for her but honey, what you do do is absolutely amazing and of course she'll remember the quiet times with you (when she's old enough to hold long term memories that is).

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm able bodied yet had a similar situation at the school the other day - three kids running in different directions, one of which crossed a busy road without me No one is perfect and these situations happen to most parents at some point or another. Please try not to beat yourself up about it!

that sounds really scary for u. How old is she? Its only recently that Kians become much less of a liability when out. He's 2yr 6 months. I remember taking him out when Emily was first born (so abt 7 months ago) with her in the sling and he was charching off everywhere and wouldn't listen to any instructions and then again with her in the pushchair a few months later and he was a nightmare! I tried reigns and he practically took me for a walk! but in the last 7 months he's changed so much. I can trust him now to walk with me, stop when I ask him to and go in the direction I'm asking him to without running away like a crazed animal! So if he's an indication of normal childhood development then things will get easier. It wont be too much longer before she understands not to run off outside.

Besides I think those times of sitting together are just as memorable. I have quite a lot of really clear childhood memories of being at home with my mum, ranging from playing under sprinklers in the garden to watching the sord in the stne camped out on the living room floor with her...I actually have very few memories from cool outings tho! So either we didn't go out much (but I;m sure we did) or I just stored the ones where we really hung out together because the felt the most special! I remember her setting up the tent in the garden and playing in there with me, playing shops with empty fod packaging she'd saved, putting carrot peelings in a sandwich bag full of water and pretending they were fish...and its 27 years later!

Those sofa moments are still great mummy moments!

Originally Posted by Madmumof4

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm able bodied yet had a similar situation at the school the other day - three kids running in different directions, one of which crossed a busy road without me No one is perfect and these situations happen to most parents at some point or another. Please try not to beat yourself up about it!

See I never rationalize that these are things that just happen sometimes. My brain just tells me I was wrong to put her in a situation where it could happen in the first place. To be honest if oh didn't take over sometimes I really would just keep her in the flat. She's safe there.