Thread: An article about praise and rewards....

I just came across this and it really articulates my discomfort with the whole bribery/reward thing that is totally dominating popular parenting at the moment.....

Why don't other people feel the discomfort I feel? They just say - well it works (like CIO/CC).... But I don't think it does in the long run at all......

http://www.naturalchild.org/robin_gr...tml#1267398539

Good article, I certainly do feel the discomfort you feel aand plenty of others on here do too!
It seems like every 'issue' these days is solved by a reward chart, stickers or chocolate buttons

Yep, no bribes, over praise, rewards or punishments here. I'll take a look at the article when I get a chance later.

Isaac's still trying to decide if he agrees with our approach. I found him 'reading' Unconditional Parenting the other day.

Lol @Nat, he's got better taste than Zoe who constantly picks up her dad's Jeremy Clarkson books and Irvine Welsh's 'Porno'- nice!

I am SO uncomfortable with bribery/bargaining with children. I came back from a recent trip away with extended family and was saying to my mum I've never heard so much bargaining 'if you do this I'll do this' etc etc etc.

I hate it and seriously hope I NEVER do it!

Nat I have that book to. I am a fan of Alfies. I dont do bribery or manipulating. I remember Tizzie Hall saying to make kids eat dinner offer smarties. No way! why go down that path I want my kid to do these normal things without in later years my bank balance being 0 after bying everything to keep em happy. Praise where its due its better for them to. I love Jan hunt to I have spoken to both Jan and Alfie very nice people. Ms Hall not very nice IMO.

Good article.
I was reading an anecdote potty training and an adult had told the kid they had a sticker for a wee and some chocolate for a poo on the loo. She found her kid straining on the loo chanting "Do a wee get a sticker, do a poo get chocolate".

after listening to SIL last night saying to my nephew one more mouthful of peas and you can have ice cream and looking at his reward chart to get stickers for staying in bed etc the whole idea is beginning to make me cringe.

i admit to saying well done when Q has achieved something worthwhile ie art, building blocks in to a tower, doing jigsaw puzzles and it includes his dinner but i'm beginning to thing that the article is def the way to go.

I already have personal issues with feeling i need praise for my work, which is hard as I don't work alongside my colleagues i work independently from them at home. I do think the is a result of it being ingrained from an early age!!

I've started to feel really uneasy about it recently it before I didn't have a problem with itbut I just want my children to always act because it's what they believe in and for a reason an not because they'll get a treat if they do and be punished if they don't. Ryan would probably laugh at me if I tried either of these on him. I hate the idea of reward charts, children shouldn't be so excited about getting a sticker because they ate their dinner, peed in the potty etc

That said I might find myself bargaining with Ryan as he gets older and not because I want to but I can imagine it might be part and parcel of having am older child but I would say that's more teaching them about compromise.

Originally Posted by littlestar

after listening to SIL last night saying to my nephew one more mouthful of peas and you can have ice cream and looking at his reward chart to get stickers for staying in bed etc the whole idea is beginning to make me cringe.

My nephew is coming up 4 and when we were away it, seeing this "technique" in action really made me think about it. Luckily, DH saw it the same way I did. MIL is just as bad when it comes to my nephew. Because they live in different countries, it's like whenever they see him, they give him a present. And they seem shocked that he "behaves better" (for want of a better phrase) when he's with them and not his parents.

A good example, is something FIL said to me when we were away. They got my nephew a new bag with his favourite cartoon character on. His birthday is a week before Christmas, so FIL said they like to give him a present for his half birthday too, so it's more spread out. So I said to FIL, "but it's August, not June" and he had no answer to it!

Originally Posted by Fievel

I've started to feel really uneasy about it recently it before I didn't have a problem with itbut I just want my children to always act because it's what they believe in and for a reason an not because they'll get a treat if they do and be punished if they don't..

This is exactly it. I want E to do nice things for the sake of being nice, not because she will get a treat.